Communication and dining out

I have been blessed by having dined at some of the best restaurants in Toronto as well as over the world. In Dubai, I had a lunch of caviar and oysters in Al Mahara, the underwater restaurant. In Paris, I celebrated my 27th birthday with a five course meal at Altitude 95, one of the restaurants in the Eiffel tower. In Toronto, I have been to more nice restaurants than I can remember, but most significantly Accolade, Scaramouche, Centro, Pangaea, North 44... the list goes on.

Although I have been working with food for years, I have only recently been working as a server. I have realised that many people simply do not know how to dine out in a high end restaurant. Here is a simple guide to communicating with your server in this environment.

1. Water. When the server asks you if you prefer sparkling or flat water, he or she is asking you to make a purchase. Flat water does not mean tap water. If you want tap water, you must ask for either tap water or ice water. If you tell me you prefer flat water, you have just purchased an $8 bottle of water.

Side note: You actually, really, really should buy that water. Not only will it allow you to taste the wine more acurately, I guarantee it is way cleaner that the ice water you want to drink. I have seen disgusting mouldy, rusty ice wells in high end restaurants where you would not expect it. Trust me, buy the water.

2. Would you like to have fries or sauteed mushrooms with your steak? This is a classic upsell question. The fries or mushrooms will be an extra charge on your bill, so don't be suprized.

3. After you place your order, remove your napkin from the table and place it your lap. Your appetizer will be arriving in only a few minutes and the server will have her hands full when she arrives to the table. You know the food is coming, you ordered it.

4. When you see the servers coming to the tale with the food, remove your elbows from the table. In fact, don't put them there at all. There is reason for the "no elbows on the table" rule. It exsits because if you are leaning your arms on the table, the server cannot place the food in front of you or clear your plate.

5. When you are done, place the cutlery you have used together on the side of the plate. This signals you are finished with the plate. If you place your cutlery with the knife and fork creating a "V" shape, this is a signal that your are not finished with that course. Also, do not hold on to your cutlery or place it on the linen. We will bring you fresh cutlery for your next course, and we do not want you to put your dirty cutlery on the clean fresh white linen. A dirty tablecloth is insulting to us.

6. At this point, your water or wine glass may need to be refilled. Please do not attempt to fill your own wine glass. This is why I am here to serve you. If your glass becomes empty, I have failed in my job. Most people don't understand how seriously we take this part of our job. If a guest in my section fills their own glass of wine, I could be seriously repremanded or even fired if it is a recurring issue.

7. Your main course is about to arrive. This is the time when many people get up to go to the washroom. It is perfectly acceptable and appropriate at this time. However, you should know that while you are fixing your lipstick, the server is folding your napkin and refreshing your drink. Also, if your food is ready then the food runner is standing in the kitchen with the plates in his hands, waiting for you to return. We will never bring the food out when someone is missing from the table, so hurry your ass back please.

8. As you are eating your main course, the server is likely to ask you, "How is everything tasting?" Something that people don't realise is that we actually want the truth. Don't lie and say something is good when is undercooked, or inedible. This is our chance to fix the problem for you. If I take something back to the kitchen, the cooks will not spit in it. They will not be angry with you. They will be more disappointed in themselves for not meeting your needs. Also, if you eat everything on your plate and then tell your server afterwards that you didn't enjoy it, sorry, I can't do anything for you. You must speak up. If you ate it, you're paying for it.

9. After dishes are cleared, the server will return to table to crumb it. Please don't brush the crumbs off the table onto the floor. Again, this is why I'm here. I will neatly comb the crumbs off the linen and onto a napkin.

10. At this point, you will be offered coffee, tea, cappucino or after dinner drinks. If you order coffee, I will ask, "Do you prefer cream or milk?" "Yes" is not an answer to this question. I am asking you if I should bring one or the other.

11. After you have had your dessert, I will propmtly bring the bill. You can stay as long as you like, but please pay the bill in a prompt fashion. I need to close the table so that I can go on with my other duties. Please, sit and chat for another 30 minutes, but for the love of God, pay the bill first. Otherwise I have to keep hovering around you, irritating both of us.

12. Gratuties. In a high-end restaurant, the servers are expecting to be tipped about 18%. This is not to say it is always appropriate to tip that amount. When I dine out, I use this rule: 10% for mediocre service, 15% for average service, 20% for excellent service. The other thing to note is that often the tips are shared amoung the wait staff, bar staff, hosts, bus boys and sometimes the kitchen staff.

Often we get people in restaurant who are awkward and uncomfortable. They obviously don't dine out often and this environment is foreign to them. I wish I could explain the to them at the end of the day, I am here to serve you, and you do not need to feel indimidated by me. If you don't understand the wine, don't feel uncomfortable, simple ask. It is the whole purpose of my being there.